I was raised Roman Catholic. Went through the whole bit, satisfying five of the seven sacraments: Baptism, Reconciliation, Eucharist (communion), Confirmation, and Holy Matrimony (marriage). For a time, I even considered swapping Holy Matrimony for Holy Orders (it's either one or the other… if you are married, you cannot be a priest, and that's what Holy Orders are about). Yes - for a time Sean wanted to be a priest. Father Sean. Bishop Sean. Pope Sean the First. Right… anyhow, let's get back on track.
Turns out there's an 8-year-old girl in Brielle, New Jersey, who received the sacrament of the Eucharist, and now the Roman Catholic Church is invalidating, or considering null-and-void, her communion with Christ because the wafer she used contained no wheat. Unfortunately for Haley Waldman, because she has a digestive disorder that prevents her from consuming wheat in any way, shape, or form (not a totally unheard of disorder…), she can't partake of the normal communion wafer.
What's the big deal? Seriously. Come on… The Catholic Church (at least in the US) has been in a state of decline for the last, oh, I can't remember how long. And yes, I realize that this is an issue decided at the Vatican, so the local priests and bishops have 0 control over this situation. But it's still sad.
I can see the letter now:
Vatican City - 20-08-2004
Ms. Waldman:
We regret to inform you that your communion with Christ has been invalidated.
Due to church rules which must remain hard and fast, regardless of the latest medical studies, consuming a communion wafer that is not made of unleavened wheat is, in effect, a non-communion event. Due to the fact that we believe, though it hasn't been proven, that rice is transubstantiation-proof, we are in belief that you have consumed an invalid communion wafer.
We would, however, be glad to reinstate your receipt of the sacrament of the Eucharist. Simply put your life at total risk, and report back to your local Roman Catholic Church in Trenton, New Jersey, and consume a wheat-based communion wafer. Be sure to have enough methylprednisone and benadryl (diphenhydramine) on hand to allow you to get past the possible anaphalactic shock, as we will not be held accountable for what may happen to your body (and even if we were, we're too busy paying lawyers for OTHER issuses and would have no money to pay for your care).
Sincerely,
Pope John Paul II
Ugh… no wonder I've moved on from that religion.
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